Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Why Social Media is like the Top Ten Comic Book Superweapons...

I'm a fun loving kind of guy. I love to laugh and cut up, and generally try not to take life too seriously. I spent way too much of my childhood being too grown up, so I'm trying to make up for lost time now. I love to laugh at myself, and sometimes at the unsuspecting other, and try to find something to get tickled about every day. Some days that task is tougher than others.

I'm also a pastor, which means that I'm resigned to a life of solemnity and a face full of brow wrinkles instead of laugh lines...NOT. However, I do understand that as a pastor, I'm scrutinized more than the average Joe (My apologies to anyone named Joe who considers themselves either above or below average, or any Joe left out of said scrutinizing). Alas, I did not realize this until I became part of the social media underworld.

It's a great ministry tool, and honest to Betsy (again, my apologies to any Betsy who is not honest) that was why I signed up and set up a facebook account. I'm beginning to rue the day. Yet, I return time and time again to the times (sorry about all the times I mentioned "times" there) that I have been able to minister to someone through social media...and it happens a lot more than some folks realize. If I'm home and working, researching, writing, etc, etc, etc, I leave my chat box open so that folks who need to talk to me can reach me easier. I've done marriage counseling through chat, and have even seen folks come to a relationship with Christ through the same.

But...I'm thinking it's time for a change. I have learned that there are great pros and massive cons to social media. I have also learned that there are many similarities between social media and comic book superweapons, so, in the spirit of humor, and in the style of David Letterman's Top Ten List, here is my list of reasons why social media is like comic book superweapons. A lot of the descriptions have been "borrowed" from Here we go.

Number 10...Social media is like the Helm of Nabu: it grants knowledge to the social media-er (is that even a word?) yet with a also forces the user to hear those people who post things that actually make sense and causes said user to weigh the consequences of their own actions. BAH!

Number 9...Social Media is like the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak: it causes the user to feel invincible, much like the Juggernaut. Unfortunately, also like a person who becomes the Juggernaut remains the Juggernaut for life, once something is out there on social media, it is out there f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

Number 8...Social Media is like The Witchblade: it's user is advised based on information given by previous users (I was going to copy and repost that but decided to just type it). The down side is that if used wrong, the Witchblade will blow your arm off. Hmm, maybe it's more similar than I thought.

Number 7...Social Media is like The Mother Box: it speaks only in pings and seems to have a mind of its own...'nuf said

Number 6...Social Media is like The Anti-Life Equation: it requires 12th-Level Intellect to comprehend. For the life of me, I can't figure out some of these posts, or the reasoning behind them.

Number 5...Social Media is like Mjolner, Thor's Hammer: well, because it can actually be a weapon.

Number 4...Social Media is like The Ultimate Nullifier: you haven't been dissed until you've been dissed on Facebook. Bring it...(complete with head bobbing from side to side)

Number 3...Social Media is like the Green Lanter Super Ring, oh that's right. It converts your will power into pure green ownage. It's only problem is that it is sometimes vulnerable to the color yellow, and that is why yellow makes me sad.

Number 2...Social Media is like The Cosmic Cube: in the mind of its user, it converts thoughts into reality, thereby lulling the user into a false sense of omnipotence. Unfortunately, it also eventually warps the users mind. Yeah.

And the Number 1, Numero Uno, comic book superweapon Social Media is like is...(Drumroll please. Drumroll)...The Infinity Gauntlet...because it does, yes, does, grant omnipotence to its users (or at least makes one think they know it all). The only problem is it also makes you a target of every person in Marvel Comics. Oh wait, that's the real Infinity Gauntlet.

There you have it folks, straight from the home office in Wallawalla, Washington, or a phone booth in Metropolis, or some other possible real/possible fictional locale.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I thought it was time for a change, and here it is. I have set up a second, that's right, a second facebook account in preparation to begin shutting down my original account. If you are fun loving, if you like to laugh at yourself and the occasional other (but only in a spirit of love, of course), if you try not to take yourself too seriously and are afraid too many others do, if you like pirates and/or pirate movies, if you think Jimmy Buffet's face should be on some form of U.S. currency, or if you're just generally tired of BS, shoot me a friend request...same name, different profile picture.

On the flipside, if you are a facebook stalker, if you are looking to be offended, if you think the Lord of the Rings trilogy was a waste of film, if you think Davy Jones' tentacles looked fake, if you have never laughed at a Monty Python flick, if you can't laugh at yourself, if you thrive on drama, or if you generally like to complain, don't bother. Many thanks to the folks at for the list of top comic book superweapons and their descriptions.


(top twelve comic book super weapons found here

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